Feel the Burn: Caregiver Burnout

Somehow you became a caregiver for your loved one with a dementing illness. For some people, they chose the caregiver path, for others, the caregiver path chose them. It could be that your parent declined and had to move in with you, your spouse was diagnosed a few years ago and now he or she cannot be left alone - however it happened, you are now the person caring for another. Most of the caregivers I know are happy to do it. They are happy to take care of a parent who took care of them, happy to be able to provide for their spouse. However, as time goes on you find out that being a caregiver is tiring. It’s thankless. It’s not always satisfying. It’s not financially profitable. You are always on the clock. Caregiving is a big job. Huge in fact, and you are at risk for burnout.

Basically, caregiver burnout is when, as a caregiver, you become exhausted physically and emotionally. This is often caused when the reality of being a caregiver does not meet the expectations you had for yourself as a caregiver. You, your friends, or your loved ones may notice signs of your caregiver burnout in you. They may see your exhaustion, loss of patience, or an apathetic or cynical mood. You may feel like you are just about at the end of your rope. Your patience is worn thin. You feel like you are not a good caregiver (which is likely not true).

You say to yourself, “All I need is time to rest and then I can get myself back into the swing of things.” So, you get a break. Perhaps your sister takes on your caregiving responsibilities for a long weekend. Or you hire a helper to come in a few hours a week so you can go to lunch with your friends. Maybe you find an adult daycare center that takes your loved one three days a week for five hours a day. No matter how you get this break you notice that you still can’t get back into the swing of things. You feel as though you will, without a doubt, suffer a break down if one more thing is added to your plate. If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing caregiver burnout.

So what can you do? Prevention is always the best medicine. If you are a caregiver, before you start being impacted by the negative feelings associated with caregiving, you need to get your support system in place. Where you can, outsource tasks. Find out who is available to help. When are they available? What are they willing to do? I often talk about the need to establish a routine as a caregiver. That is as important for the person with dementia as it is for the caregiver. Make part of your routine time for you.

Try to have a new mindset. You have incredible value as yourself, your own person. While being a caregiver can occupy a huge portion of your own being, be sure to take care of yourself. Enjoy self care; eat well, get sleep, stay active, see your friends, enjoy your favorite hobby, go to your own doctor, and make sure that you know that you are important too. While a big part of your identity is a caregiver, it is not your only purpose.

Stay patient. Stay kind. Give love.